FIVE STAGES OV DRUNKENNESS

THE FIVE STAGES OF DRUNKENNESS

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THE FIVE STAGES OF DRUNKENNESS

Stage #1 -- Smart

This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject. You 
know all and greatly wish to express this knowledge to anyone who 
will listen.  At this stage you are also always right.  And of course 
the person you are talking with is very wrong.  You will talk for 
hours trying to convince someone that you are right. This makes for an 
interesting argument when both parties are "smart".  Two people talking, 
in fact, arguing about a subject neither one really knows anything 
about, but are convinced that they are they complete authority on the 
subject makes for great entertainment for those get the opportunity to 
listen in.

Stage #2 -- Handsome/Pretty

This is when you are convinced that you are the best looking person in 
the entire room and everyone is looking at you.  You begin to wink at 
perfect strangers and ask them to dance because of course they had been 
admiring you the whole evening.  You are the center of attention, and all 
eyes are directed at you because you are the most beautiful thing on the 
face of the earth.  Now keep in mind that you are still smart, so you can 
talk to this person who has been admiring you about any and all subjects 
under the sun.

Stage #3 -- Rich

This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can 
buy drinks for the entire bar and put it on your bill because you surely 
have an armored truck full of your money parked behind the bar. You can 
also make bets in this stage.  Now of course you still know all, so you 
will always win all your bets.  And you have no concern for how much 
money you bet because you have all the money in the world. You will also 
begin to buy drinks for all the people in the bar who are admiring you 
because you are now the smartest, prettiest, and richest person on the 
face of the earth.

Stage #4 -- Bulletproof

You can now pick fights with the people you have been betting money with 
because you cannot be hurt by anything. At this point you would go up to 
the boyfriend of the woman who had been admiring your beautiful self 
all evening and challenge him to a battle of wits for money. You have no 
worry about losing this battle of wits because you know all, have all 
the money to cover this bet, and you obviously win a fight that might 
erupt if he looses.

Stage #5  -- Invisible

This is the final stage of drunkenness.  At this point you can do 
absolutely anything because no one can see you. You can get up and dance 
on a table; you can strip down to your underwear, to impress the people 
who have been admiring you all evening, because the rest of the people
in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person whom 
you have picked a fight with earlier in the evening. You can walk through 
the streets singing at the top of your lungs (because of course you are 
still smart and know the tune perfectly) and no one will think anything 
of it because they can't see you.  All your social inhibitions are 
gone. You can do anything, because no one will know.

And you certainly won't remember !

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